How my top value taught me an unexpected lesson

I learned something pretty hard about my top value and the heavier side of it.

I've always warned my clients about the bias and prejudice that can come from our very strong values and their "darker" side. It only makes sense that this happens as we dislike, distrust, and don't respect those that don't live our top 2-way street values. This is the outward behavior that can emerge from us because of it.

I'm embarrassed to say that I failed to warn them (and myself) of the other heavy outcomes. The big limiting beliefs that may form internally because of them too.

I realized this after a particularity challenging week with my family. 2 trips to an urgent care with 1 daughter (nothing serious!), 1 life-threatening health incident with my sister, and a lot of emotions with my mother and husband.

As I showered in overwhelm and my brain cycled through all those people, situations, & feelings, I realized that I couldn't fix anything for them or truly make them happy.

And it crushed me.

It felt like it was all up to me somehow. To heal, make happy, decide, make more money, clean, organize, FEED, all of it.

And as I cycled, it became ridiculous. Of course it wasn't completely up to me. These folks didn't expect me to do that. They don't expect me to make them happy. Not in the ridiculous way I FELT I was accountable to.

There it was. ACCOUNTABLE. "It's all up to me." No one else can own it. Just me. Ugh.

AND, I probably wasn't LETTING anyone else own it. My husband can attest to this. I'm notorious for complaining that I get no help with dinner & dishes, but when he does step into help, I criticize him or don't really want him in there because he's messy or doesn't do it right.

So there it was, the big limiting belief attached with a golden chain to my top value

Yeah. The heavy side.

I think there's good news in this realization though. It's quite possible that some of our strongest limiting beliefs are tied to our strongest values. If we can name it, we can take practice in letting it go.

We all accumulate beliefs in our programming that don’t serve us in positive ways. Identifying them is the 1st step to releasing and replacing them with empowering beliefs about ourselves and the world.

The often tough part is identifying them!

This experience has taught me that there may be a simpler path. Focus on the triggers around your top value. The thoughts and feelings about yourself that arise around them.

The stronger the feeling, the better the clue.